k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
