seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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