getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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