I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
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