Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She's JV to your varsity
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
