Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
