I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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