i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
