it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
