im six kinds of drunk right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
