I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Im part way to drunk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
