The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
