I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
