I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
