Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
