Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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