I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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