he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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