My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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