This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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