capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
