Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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