I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So squirting runs in the family.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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