What a fucking waste of an outfit
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm at about main and main street
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
