Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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