He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I bet he comes in French.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
