I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
