I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
