He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
