At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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