Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
