Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
