DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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