Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
