You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
