ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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