I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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