im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
