My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
