She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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