You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
