we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude. I can hear the air.
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