he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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