I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
