I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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