yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Buhtt sex?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
