areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
