i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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