I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
