I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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