True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
