watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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