Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
