How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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