he shaved USA in his pubs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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