So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
