weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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