Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
