If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
