yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
