believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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