it wasn't lemon gatorade
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
