You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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