the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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