There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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