Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
