you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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