You really coming over, don't trick.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They have beer where we have blood.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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