WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
