She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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